confusing times

M has alot of things going on in his life, big stuff and stuff of course about money, he recently lsot his job which is never good and things look to go bad to worse,
he hasn't told me all this stuff, i know the bones of it, but i he's been "protecting" me and not telling me some stuff.he says he doesn't want to burdurn me with this stuff and that i'll get scared and run away. so we had a long talk last night, i told him that it felt like he didn't have any faith in our relationship if he's not telling me this stuff, we've been having 'big picture' talks , not seriously but weve been having them. and i felt if he wasn't telling me this stuff now casue he thinks i'm gonna run then 'big picture' talks are redundant.

so yes thats quite a self absorbed view when all this crap is happening to him and i know that but i think it is an issue non the less.

but here's the thing. i want to tell him i'm not gonig to run and that its all gonig to be ok and be there for him, but i have this part of me which wants to stand in the corner and point and go, urrrghhhhh! like some kind of pod hatching alien.i don't want to run but the entire situation freaks me out a bit. i know from previous experience that being someones emotional crutch isn't all it claims to be. and i want to be there but i can't ignore this mini freak out that is going on in my head becasue surly then i lose some of my identity and just become "M's girlfriend" ( as someone who i'd met once called me, i was not pleased.) i don't know. i don't want this to be a repeat of last time, different face same situation.

and i do love him, but i'm feeling al these emotions but i don't know what they are i just know i'm feeling something. something that is a scary thing, its frustrating becasue i can't put a name to it and then i act all illogical ( i know me gonig towards logical) and can't explain it.

.......

sigh.

oh well tea and talk will help i am sure and in the mean time i have to convince m i'm not running away.

i have the emotional age of a lego block.