becasue i am going to america baby! woo woo, and my past two posts have been depressing but i'm not depressed hence, lalalalalalalalalala
i like stuff and house and south park and more stuff and the shield which i want season three of and fantastic books,
btw kirsten, the book u lent me is strange and ranty and not in a good way, its interesting don't get me wrong but i dislike being lectured on my method of contraception but i'm only half way throguh but tis interesting thanx *glomp*
xxxx
Wednesday 27 June 2007
Thursday 21 June 2007
a loss of identity.
since the break up last week. i have been in a wierd limbo, some days are better than others. some days i don't think about him at all. others, well they aren't so easy.
point is i miss him, and tough it was all for the best and all the rest of it i do. but i'm now not sure if i miss him or the idea of him, whether i just want the contact and the comfort and the security or him. i think it is alot of both.
we had a falling out on sunday, so i haven't spoken to him but as always there is a fun twist where as he owes me ( or rather my dad) money and i want it as my pa has been asking. so i figure i'm going to wait itll next week for things to quite down and meet up with him then, ( also i'm busy til next week , convinient)
but also recently i have found myself alot more un sure of myself and i don't feel like i have an identity or that a large part of me is missing so i have to fill that whole again. now this all sounds incredible dependant on someone, which quite frankly it was. ant made me feel safe.
if we were meeting new people i knew i could sit back while he went and was random and then i could come over later and chat and talk etc already having built a good groundway as ants girlfriend. well not any more obviously but i digress thats only a small matter.
but what i'm tryingto say if that i can see how someone could go 'off the rails' and do all kinds of crazy things (spontaneous tattoos, etc) but its just tryingto createthat balence of being just yourself again, and now that you don't have to make so many compromises and work together with soemone else it can be strange to adjust.
a metaphor that came to mind is the yin yang sin, be always see then together but once they split yang has got to become a whole circle again and re create parts of herself, we find it hard to imagine yang on its own( go on try)
ok i'm rambling alot i'll go now on a bright side its not all doom and gloom my frineds rae being lovely especially emma. but i'm dealing as you do and some day i won't be just dealing i'll be ok but thats probably not for a while. and i'm gonig on holiday soon so i'll be busy being in another country and not thinking about him. etc
xxxxxxxx
point is i miss him, and tough it was all for the best and all the rest of it i do. but i'm now not sure if i miss him or the idea of him, whether i just want the contact and the comfort and the security or him. i think it is alot of both.
we had a falling out on sunday, so i haven't spoken to him but as always there is a fun twist where as he owes me ( or rather my dad) money and i want it as my pa has been asking. so i figure i'm going to wait itll next week for things to quite down and meet up with him then, ( also i'm busy til next week , convinient)
but also recently i have found myself alot more un sure of myself and i don't feel like i have an identity or that a large part of me is missing so i have to fill that whole again. now this all sounds incredible dependant on someone, which quite frankly it was. ant made me feel safe.
if we were meeting new people i knew i could sit back while he went and was random and then i could come over later and chat and talk etc already having built a good groundway as ants girlfriend. well not any more obviously but i digress thats only a small matter.
but what i'm tryingto say if that i can see how someone could go 'off the rails' and do all kinds of crazy things (spontaneous tattoos, etc) but its just tryingto createthat balence of being just yourself again, and now that you don't have to make so many compromises and work together with soemone else it can be strange to adjust.
a metaphor that came to mind is the yin yang sin, be always see then together but once they split yang has got to become a whole circle again and re create parts of herself, we find it hard to imagine yang on its own( go on try)
ok i'm rambling alot i'll go now on a bright side its not all doom and gloom my frineds rae being lovely especially emma. but i'm dealing as you do and some day i won't be just dealing i'll be ok but thats probably not for a while. and i'm gonig on holiday soon so i'll be busy being in another country and not thinking about him. etc
xxxxxxxx
Friday 15 June 2007
single, woo woo woo thats how i want to be?!?
damn natasha beddingfield i can't stop thinking of that song, it doesn't actually apply at all ( i don't particuarly like being single) but still i can't stop thinking avout it.
it is very strangeto be newly single after almost 2 years and i was only a young thing before so i can't exactly say well i've done it beofre, because i was damn miserable when i was, but thats merely a sideline.
but yes it is very strange and weird and i now feel as thoguh i should go and find someone else immediatly! now! now! all good men will disappear at the count of five! i know this is silly and therfore am not going to 'hump' the first thing i see common sense prevails again. however one thing i did find was i was on the bus and i had one of these moments, i heard the dolcit tones of some heavy metal band being played on a mobile so i looked up and there were three young men, my interest peaked and then plummeted as i saw two of them had mullets..... how about no. oh well i guess it was going to happen the first men i look at through newly single eyes have to be hideous.
sigh, i may add that to my list of 'dealbreakers' so far i have'smoking' and 'short' oh well never mind
i'm surviving.
xxxx
it is very strangeto be newly single after almost 2 years and i was only a young thing before so i can't exactly say well i've done it beofre, because i was damn miserable when i was, but thats merely a sideline.
but yes it is very strange and weird and i now feel as thoguh i should go and find someone else immediatly! now! now! all good men will disappear at the count of five! i know this is silly and therfore am not going to 'hump' the first thing i see common sense prevails again. however one thing i did find was i was on the bus and i had one of these moments, i heard the dolcit tones of some heavy metal band being played on a mobile so i looked up and there were three young men, my interest peaked and then plummeted as i saw two of them had mullets..... how about no. oh well i guess it was going to happen the first men i look at through newly single eyes have to be hideous.
sigh, i may add that to my list of 'dealbreakers' so far i have'smoking' and 'short' oh well never mind
i'm surviving.
xxxx
kerrang? we need to have a word!
a word? ....now come closer...yes thats it...LINKIN PARK ONLY 3 K'S! ARE YOU MAD? AND MCR 4K'S? THEY FINISHED EARLY!!! ok.... breathe...breathe...
IMHO linkin park gig was the best i have ever been 2 and i've been to quite few. iron maiden have the best visual show but linkin park are amazing.
i think i have to go and calm down, get my blood pressure to a reasonable rate...
IMHO linkin park gig was the best i have ever been 2 and i've been to quite few. iron maiden have the best visual show but linkin park are amazing.
i think i have to go and calm down, get my blood pressure to a reasonable rate...
Thursday 14 June 2007
oh poo, i forgot about the zombie day,
damn.
however i have a good reason honest.... bad personal life etc. and.....watching much to much house :) lol oh dear.
however i have a good reason honest.... bad personal life etc. and.....watching much to much house :) lol oh dear.
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