mental dioherra

because sometimes you just shouldn't talk.

so last night had nice snuggly night in with bf, and we're all relaxed and its getting quite late I've been at work all day, (which isn't me justifying myself ,ok well it is, but i want all things taken into consideration) and we're talking and he says a little comment that makes me think, nothing too important but it just gets to me, so my mind goes into hyper drive and inevitably bf asks what i'm thinking,

now as this is a new relationship i don't want to bottle things up, so i tell him whats on my mind, and then i start rambling so i am literally saying the first thing that comes into my head in a long line of crazy tohguhts, which if i were wide awake in the middle of the day not completly relaxed i wouldn't have said.

i made a huge rookie (which in all fairness i pretty much am) mistake instead of slowly exposing your other half to the craziness and not blurt it out in one long ramble, i went straight in there and turned into a complete neurotic mess. ...sigh.

so now instead of being, woot new girlfriend, who is nice and funny and smart and huggable, i fear i have now turned into a crazy ranting insecure and neurotic loon in his eyes, and i do care what he thinks and how he perceives me because he is my boyfriend so it matters,

now to be fair i'm probably really over reacting and bf said the next morning that he wasn't thinking about it so it didn't bother him.

but still i am far much saner this morning and i am just cursing myself, this blog being the big slap on the forehead "ah crap".

sometimes i just forget that it is a new relationship and that he is a person with different feelings than mine and that we haven't set out all those mental boundaries of what is 'too far', and i know that sounds really terrible, of course he's a real person and i see him as such and he is lovely blah blah blah

but sometimes i just can't help myself and the crazy comes pouring out, so i will be saner and next time he asks me what i'm thinking, i must learn to think before i say,.

and i now realise this blog makes very little sense i will try and go back and make it into whole sentences honest but it More of me venting than anything.