Midnightorchid's Domain

Project Runway: Season 7 Episode 1 Videos | myLifetime.com

2010-02-01T14:32:00.000Z

Project Runway: Season 7 Episode 1 Videos | myLifetime.com

Central Saint Martins, UAL | Blogs | Degrees unedited | a-n

2009-09-07T15:36:00.002Z

As someone starting my third year in a creative degree this blog is a light of solidarity ...which is nice.

Central Saint Martins, UAL | Blogs | Degrees unedited | a-n

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Seeing a new band can be like a first date ....

2009-04-24T10:25:00.003Z

I went to see Papa Roach a week or so ago, and there were 2 support bands. The first I had never heard of (fair enough) so was going to have to judge them on their music. Which would have been fine if they had turned the singers mic on, And when they did, i wished they hadn't bothered.

I think seeing a new band is quite like a first date, first impressions are everything, you will be judged on it for the rest of our time together. So i can forgive that for the first half of a song i couldn't hear you, that's not your fault. however like a first date there are some rules.

1. don't swear at me. - being a gig veteran you would think i would be used to this and being insulted and sworn at by your fave band is all just part and passle of the gig and getting the crowd worked up. However I don't know you. and you haven't got the cred to go straight off the bat and tell me to 'Go Crazy MotherFuckers'.

Lets get this straight just because you are on stage doesn't give you the right to be a cock, if you said this to me at a bar, I would walk away.

2. thrusting your groin at me is also a no go. I'm not particularly well disposed to you anyway, you grinding your hips in my direction has the finesse of a hippo.

3. A gig its a lot about give and take. As the performer, you have to read the mood of the crowd, and I can appreciate trying to work them up and get a good vibe going, but if its not working maybe try to tone it down. Yes i know you spent all night practicing your rock god pose in the mirror but i don't care and you doing it EVERY two seconds makes you look like a plonker.

4. I don't think we should see each other again. You don't have the maturity that I'm looking for, next time I want to play guitar hero, I'll call you.

*UPDATE* Brand New and
Improved with punctuation!

moving the new blog

2009-04-19T19:43:00.001Z

ok i've been seduced by wordpress thank you rachel hopefully should have a proper site up soon yeah with my own domain name and everything funsies

http://samanthagrover.wordpress.com

check me out

new blog

2009-03-30T16:05:00.002Z

ok so nobody reds this and is sure not to care, but i'm ok with that
i have a new blog that displays my work as a designer ( go me)

tis a fledgling blog so a bit wobbly on the contents formt, ofthere not being much but hey! it is the for front of the website which will one day come.

can't sleep

2009-03-03T22:31:00.000Z

can't sleep again. damnit. its so boring lying in bed looking at the ceiling willing yourself to sleep. bastards. i don't know who but i'm blaming them. this lack of sleep is making me grouchy and sad.

the sanctity of marriage

2009-02-10T10:41:00.002Z

yay finally we have no more snow. this is a very good thing as being snowed in ment i couldn't see M and we like M alot! so yeah but its all gone now, and now its just raining.... crap.

anyways back to where i was. today i was reading about peaches geldof and how her six month marriage is at an end. now you may remember peaches from such newspaper's as the sun saying that 'marriage isn't forever'. she married some guy she hadn't known for that long in vegas and now their getting a divorce and peaches already has a new man.

her (surely)very close BFF told the sun "Peaches has been seeing Donald for weeks. She couldn't care less about Max. He needs to move on now that she has got bored of him."

lovely!

funnily enough i don't agree, shocking i know, but i was thinking about this, my parents have been together for 30 years and married for 25. now that to me is just 'woah!' its something i'm quite proud of actually. becasue that is just such a long time.

in the society we're in now i think i has become too easy for marriage to be a translusent thing. with celebrities constantly divorcing when only a few months before they were the outward picture of happiness. while they may not have been of course when you judge someone only of pictures that you see of them how can you not believe it when you have no other evidence of this.

anyway i digress, i can't quite decide if i feel that peaches is a victem in all of this or if she is just adding to the problem. i'm sure peaches is just as suseptable to the influences of our society as the regular jane as should we pity her rather than vilify her. but either way the exapmle peaches is setting is not a good one, by treating marriage as a casual thing devalues it and all that it stands for.

and this isn't even starting to go into the gay rights sides of the arguement, why should peaches be allowed to throw around something so casually that is denied to so many loving gay couples? i'm been reading some interesting posts on "oh so your a feminist
which are quite interesting especailly the commets section.

update and general dilly dallying

2009-01-27T12:50:00.003Z

been hard at work at uni fun and games. doing a knitting project which is really exciting making these orb/drop bird feeders. so loving that and while knitting been watching the excellent sopranos and project catwalk which is my guilty pleasure. i keep finding areas of interest, my blog roll is a mish mash of feminist blogs, and craft blogs and knitting blogs its all just a bit crazy i keep thinking i should make a new blog for each but i really don;t write enough goin this blog so i don't think that would work. which is silly a i get annoyed when other people, who i'm interested in don't post ,hypercritical moi?

apart from that i've been reading the twilight series, which has sparked my curiosity about the film, the books are very readable, so much so that i've forbidden myself to rad the next book till after my assessment as otherwise i won't do work however enjoyable.
the only downside is how Bella ( our heroine) loses all her identity and slips into the very co dependant relationship, which is a little worrying also the thinly veiled meanings of abstinence and no sex before marriage etc etc, similar to the lion the witch and the wardrobe with its Christianity subtext. but i think if these books had come out when i was 14 i wouldn't have got that ( again similarly to TLTWATW (also abbreviations aren't always helpful i see that now)) but over all they are good books.

i keep meaning to take pictures of the Dr who scarf i made for M a million years ago but no it had to rain didn't it, also i've been lazy/busy but still.

I've been playing allot of left for dead, which is a co - op zombie game which is awesome, once i got over my initial fear it a so freaking cool.

what the fucking fuck?

2008-12-08T20:48:00.003Z

i hope you can see this link it mad me feel quite quite sick to my stomach!

"Sexy Anna Rexia" - geddit?????

thanks to feministgal

why a slipknot gig is like sex

2008-12-05T16:52:00.002Z

i went to see slipknot on Tuesday on my own, i was a little worried about dying in the crush of angry moshers, but i have learnt that f you can survive slayer you can survive anything,
anyhoo machine head were supporting who i don't particularly have much interest in so i stayed at the back behind a ledge where i could lean and it was all good and groovy. then slipknot came on and i decided to stay where i was for the first song as i could see clearly and didn't have my view blocked also i had quite a bit of space and could look over the crowd and see where the mosh pits were.

but i got so restless i really wanted be involved and participate rather than just listening, so i waded to the front at the side and fucking freaked out with the music.

i love slipknots music. whether I'm pissed of or want to release steam and am stressed a bit of slipknot is like a massage.

so without the burden of being with anyone and having them however minutely judging me i got completely into it. i feel sorry for those behind me who i hope didn't have hair whip form my headbanging but they might have. and as i was screaming along i realised that i probably looked quite ungainly, similar to sex but when it feels that good who gives a fuck!

funny but so wrong

2008-11-09T18:38:00.001Z

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Dating Site

i was surprised really

zombie harmony

2008-11-03T22:25:00.001Z

http://mingle2.com/zombieharmony/free-dating-sites

the links that didn't work

2008-11-03T22:22:00.000Z

http://mingle2.com/dating/unicorn

http://mingle2.com/blog/view/dating-tyrannosaurus

why it would be cool to date a unicorn , no dodg pics

2008-10-31T09:49:00.001Z

not as funny as T rex but good for rainbows

why not not date a T rex

2008-10-31T09:47:00.002Z

why not 2 date a T rex funny and true

2008-10-31T09:43:00.001Z

a loo at my relationship
Snapshot Report
Feeling Fulfilled, Appreciated and Loved
92/100
Your results indicate that overall, you appear to feel very loved and appreciated by your partner. This is definitely very important, as it provides a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction in a relationship. Even if you may feel slightly less cherished than usual, you seem to realize that this is a normal occurrence in most relationships. After all, our partners are only human and can’t give us undivided love and attention 24-hours-a-day!

About me and my work

2008-10-24T12:50:00.002Z

hi just a bit about me,

i'm doing 3d design as my major, i working in a variety of materials and working with my hands making things. I also make crafts and jewellery. i enjoy knitting and do ceramics in my spare time. i'm interested in design with a sense of humour, functional but with a personality of its own.

what else can i add, i love tea. I'm relatively computer savvy, just don't make me make it talk to you, though now you mention it it could be done.

I'd like to collaborate with you.
I've put an image up of my work if you can find it as well. its the hair bowl that i did asa continuation of project in foundation, some of my other images were too big

There's a name for people like you!

2008-10-15T21:08:00.002Z

yes thats right YAPPYS.
(young aged pensioners) we all like knitting, quiet drinks in the pub, scrabble and the like.

finally now there is a name which i can relate to! oh dear and i thought GILF was silly

if your down

2008-08-15T15:42:00.002Z

been in a bit of a wierd headspace recently, just finished reading affinity and that ended sad and then saw her naked skin which ended sad and haven't seen M all week so was feeling quite pessemistic.

then i re found chick lit! just the thing to read when your feeling a bit low like a foamy chai tea latte .....with foam.

snog, marry avoid?

2008-07-09T11:10:00.002Z

so I've finished uni and am bumming around the Internet and in my quest for some light entertainment i find this 'snog, marry, avoid' on BBC3.

the premise of the show is to take young woman who wear too much slap and hair extensions etc and make them 'under' revealing the natural beauty.

this is quite a nice premise.

however i think they have taken it a bit too far, apart form the gimmicky 'computer' they have acting as host and cracking terribly bad jokes.

they were make undering a couple of goths, implying that there is something wrong with the way they dress, and fair enough they did volunteer for this os it is hard to be too sympathetic but still the 'jokes' the computer was making were actually quite rude and offensive., all in good 'fun' of course.

and then there was the girl who wore allot of makeup and wore a corset and heels but was overall quite pretty. when her image was put to the public analysis they were asked if she looked like
an arts student (that's performing arts and what she was)
a cruise ship entertainer
or a magicians assistant.

firstly whats wrong with looking like a magicians assistant? it gives cruise ship entertainer or a magicians assistant bad connotations. and also does she really want to look like a arts student anyway would it not be better to cultivate her own look rather than being generic.

also in the public analysis men were asked if they wanted to 'snog, marry or avoid' this girl. in this they showed 3 men who all said avoid, which annoyed me because It was such a small probably bias sampling. one of the men was gay! that was why he said avoid!

overall i felt that the show demeaned those who have their own individuality by ridiculing them and trying to make them more generic. while there were some people who could and did benefit from this process ( a girl spent £1000 a month on hair extensions) the show expanded into unnecessary territory losing viewers and credibility

cake is NOT a lie

2008-06-01T13:53:00.001Z

its not i'm so happy

all my faith is in cake should i change my religous views on facebook to 'cake'?

hmmmm
will think of something serious to say soon

xxx

hmmmm

2008-05-27T13:34:00.000Z

cake is a lie.
cake is a lie.
cake is a lie.
cake is a lie.
cake is a lie.
cake is a lie.
cake is a lie.
cake is a lie.

hehehehehehehehe

easter

2008-03-14T12:59:00.002Z

i've been away for a while after finally being converted to facebook, not that this is a good thing as i had to do it for my project but never the less it is quite addictive. i'm sure however that it will fall to the rail side like so many others *coughbebocough*

firstly

see juno it is good and has the fantastic quote. "no way, are you sure? honest to blog?"

lol also if you have not already you tube linkin park's cover of NIN wish! it is absolutly amazing.

soon i run away to malaga and have my easter holidays, where i shall do lots of driving lessons and my blood pressure shall rise till i am a liveing beetroot

also the other bolelyn girl we are very excited about this woot! so shall report.

oh yeah we had an exhibit at the tate modern you know no biggy.

it was V cool, we ahd an invisible maze which rocked. wil post more on that when i can be bothered.

xxxx

break up

2008-02-04T14:08:00.001Z

one of M's housemates broke up with his girlfriend, she left him. he;'s not a touchy feely talking person so its kind of awkward
any advice BF can give him?
well not advice but he;s a bit clueless of what to say, well so am i so any ideas?

happy making

2008-02-04T14:06:00.000Z

things that are happy making

my boyfriend :D
waking up next to my boyfriend
white chocolate
tea
my duvet
having foundthat my self evaluation wasn't a lost file but safe
house
having shiny new non root hair
linkin park

uni

2008-01-08T16:12:00.000Z

i keep feeling like a haven't done enoguh work for uni and i'm really having problems getting motivated i know i've just come back but i'm feeling really crappyabout this and yeah

my project is on soldering and welding and i just want to sleep i really need to do real work for it. ....

and i'm saying this while blogging.

shit.

alias season 5

2007-12-27T16:20:00.001Z

i felt disappointed i'll readily admit that, i know they ended it in a rush and it really shows suddenly things are just thrown in and it doesn't make sense and it makes me angry i have show loyalty to watch it to the end and i feel like i should have stopped after season 3.

this shouldn't put off anyone it is a very good show which i recommended to many a person. season 1 & 2 are great season 3 passabel and then it gets silly, sydney finds a new family member each season (practically) and there are just some characters i didn't mesh with and hopedthey were killed off.

oh well
........

wi fi

2007-12-27T16:19:00.000Z

tis annoying. but yay for american dad in my room while i run around

xx

tacky

2007-12-27T16:17:00.000Z

when you work in retail and i'm sure others will back me up on this you spend alot of time in ur shop, therefor i don't want a christmas present from there. firstly i know how much it will cost, secondly i have a discount card and i i really want it i'll have already boguht it and its just tacky.

will blog alot more soon being lazy

xxx

Gee i'm a woman that must mean i love shoes

2007-11-30T15:34:00.000Z

this is in reference to bitchy jones' post. read in full here

http://bitchyjones.wordpress.com/ *

i had to have a mini rant about this myself.

the thing i want to rant about is this

www.giftforthegirls.com

now don't get me wrong I'm all about the men with the chests and the open shirts there were a few really nice seconds there BUT

here's the thing. I'm a woman ( i know because of my heaving bossom).

i am a woman therefore i must LOVE shoes. how about fuck off.
i am a woman and I'm not obsessed with shoes *gasp*. i don't wear high heels because they make my feet hurt and you can't walk or run for the bus and I'm tall enough as it is. I've had most of my pre-pubescent life being taller than everyone. i don't want to do this for fun!

also come on i was just getting into the ad with the guy holding the red shoe on his chest (imagining me in the shoe) and the next frame he's throwing the shoe in the air! that's throwing the invisible me straight on the floor.

i don't like shoes. i don't obsess over them i don't collect them and i don't want any for Christmas.

* i really wish that it had been an ad for transvestitism. that would have made it so much better.

tattoos

2007-11-22T10:49:00.000Z

tattoos, yay or neigh. i've thought about this for a very long time and hey tattoos look cool,

you get this great piece of art work that makes you totally unique ( easy for the coroner to identify you)
and its a symbol about how dedicated you are to your chosen whatever
and how you have a high pain threshold
and just damn, they look all sexy, cause ur a young sexy thing and hey your a rebel!
and your flaunting the system aren't you, by doing soemthing craaaaazzzzzy, you little rascal.

ok maybe i'm exagerating a little bit. and yes tattoos are cool and i think they do look good. till they start to fade.
and also while your young.

i have seen very few older gen who have tattoos which look good. Now don't get me wrong i am a fan but i think some people do it for the shock value and because its cool, some times thats just not enough.

i don't want to be at my daughters wedding ( with a big hat) and have everyone checking out my ink instead of looking at the bride. my point is that sometimes its not appropriate to have tattoos and to be honest they can look tacky.(winnie the pooh anyone)

if your going to have a tattoo surely it should be something you design. something that you feel you have a connection with rather than disposeable art, which you like at the time but in 20 years ( yes its still there) it isn't so cool to have S club 7 tattooed over your chest (true story man). so you need to find something that will wear well.

and if your a super huge death metal goth, and get a tattoo of cradle of filth's "jesus is a cunt" tattooed on your neck, then in 15 years time ( or hell less!) you mellow out a bit, your not 'with the kids' any more and hey maybe you've even 'found' god ( yes he was behind the sofa all along) then your sweet little slogan aint gonna wash with ur bible club. whoops. ( not a true story... i don't think)

if ur gonna get inked
1. make it personal ( ideally design it yourself)
2. have it somewhere inconspicuous so you can show it if you want but hide it too. ( wrists are not a good place, poeople have lost out on jobs for less)
3.BE SURE!!! don't go on a whim, you will regret it. something your think looks cool now may just look sad later in life
4. check out that the parlour has all its health and safety regs up 2 date etc.
5. don't get boyfriend/ girlfriends/ bestist best friends in the whole worlds name, life is too flexible and if it doesn't work out then your a tad fucked aren't so when u finaly meet your new sweetie who makes you feel all gooey and they find that you have BIG DAVE tattooed over your breasts, its goona put a dampener on things. if you must then go for your kids names, even parents you can fall out with. they world may change but you can always could on yourself as being a constant.

cold

2007-11-11T10:01:00.000Z

i have the sniffles i dislike it.

am all bunged up and ironicaly the parmacist gave me a cold. bah!

furious

2007-11-11T09:53:00.000Z

o had the strangest thing at work the other day, it had mostly been a good day i was very chipper ( lots of yes what can i do for you my love etc, i talk like this when i am in a good sharing mood)

then about half an hour before the end of my shift, i had to deal with a customer, who wanted to use a discount card, now the one she had given was one that had been discontinued so i told her that the powers that be had send word out that we had to take the card and keep it but we'd give her the discount this last time and that she had to contact head office. - this has been done because our system had changed so the old discount cards don't work any more but anyway.

she snatched the card form my hand and said " you can't take it if i don't give it to you."

for some reason, seeing as i'd been in a good mood all day and not stressed and irritable.
i became furious. i literally couldn't speak because of this and i started shaking.
i then stuttered and stood there, al the while thinking she's a customer you can't shout at her. so i managed out a very mild " you don't have to be so RUDE!"
then blah blah blah she denied it etc i took my leave and then this womans daughter who was standing there the whole time , said sorry she didn't mean to be rude, which made me feel slightly better as it wasn't all in my head

but i got scared at how quickly i went from fine to speechless fury!
and that my dear is just strange.

so am i missing the point....

2007-11-01T13:13:00.000Z

in the metro today i was reading an article about cherie blair and her 'battle cry for woman's global rights'.

"Differences of culture or religion cannot be used as a justification for denying equal rights to women anywhere in the world, Cherie Blair said.

Mrs Blair denounced the unequal treatment of women on religious grounds in some societies as a "distortion" of the true message of faiths such as Islam, which she said shared with all the major world religions an "insistence on the dignity of all God's people".

She was critical of human rights advocates in the West who suggest that women's emancipation cannot be exported to the Middle East or parts of Asia and Africa because of cultural and religious sensitivities.

Women's rights are a "universal ethic that cuts across all cultures and all religions ... and imperative for our shared humanity", she said.

In a high profile speech given under her professional name of Cherie Booth QC at Chatham House in London, the leading human rights lawyer acknowledged that Britain and other Western nations had more to do to deliver equal pay and career opportunities to women.

But she highlighted new laws in Egypt which give men and women different rights on divorce, as well as Orthodox Jewish practices under which a woman cannot divorce without her husband's consent.

In some parts of the world, domestic violence was still not regarded as a crime, widows were ostracised and women were treated effectively as their husbands' property, she said. In many areas "proclaimed adherence to a specific religion or system of belief or culture is intimately tied to women's continuing discrimination and abuse," said Mrs Blair.

And she bluntly rejected any suggestion that such practices could be justified by reference to religion.

"We can be certain that the overwhelming majority of people in our country, along with legal experts and campaigners, would be appalled if they thought that such mistreatment was taking place within their family or local community," she said.

"But what is striking is that there remain those who try to justify or excuse such discrimination and denial of human rights elsewhere by reference to different cultural or religious standards. We simply can't go along with this view.""

and i agree with her on this.and think what she is talking about is a very positive thins, what i don't understand however is that the picture the metro put right next to the article was this..

http://img.metro.co.uk/i/pix/2007/11/cheriePA_450x566.jpg

this does not give the article a very positive image, and degrades what cherie blair is saying. becaseu i don't care who cherie blair is, the fact she is saying this stuff is fantastic and she should be commended for that rather than being ridiculed.

i also disliked the manner in which the article was written, i felt the words, attack ( used in the title on the website), critical ( of human rights advocates, and also the 'staunchly catholic Mrs Blair' projected negative connotations.

but hey maybe i am missing the point of the article and lets all just take the piss of cherie and put our neck in the sand about womens rights 'cause its not happenin' to us now is it?

i should be working my ass off but....

2007-11-01T13:10:00.000Z

i need the lovely technicians to do my project and they are all huddling in a corer together laughing in the technically not open work shop, his makes me sad as i hope they will help me later buti need help nw... never mind.

confusing times

2007-10-29T15:28:00.000Z

M has alot of things going on in his life, big stuff and stuff of course about money, he recently lsot his job which is never good and things look to go bad to worse,
he hasn't told me all this stuff, i know the bones of it, but i he's been "protecting" me and not telling me some stuff.he says he doesn't want to burdurn me with this stuff and that i'll get scared and run away. so we had a long talk last night, i told him that it felt like he didn't have any faith in our relationship if he's not telling me this stuff, we've been having 'big picture' talks , not seriously but weve been having them. and i felt if he wasn't telling me this stuff now casue he thinks i'm gonna run then 'big picture' talks are redundant.

so yes thats quite a self absorbed view when all this crap is happening to him and i know that but i think it is an issue non the less.

but here's the thing. i want to tell him i'm not gonig to run and that its all gonig to be ok and be there for him, but i have this part of me which wants to stand in the corner and point and go, urrrghhhhh! like some kind of pod hatching alien.i don't want to run but the entire situation freaks me out a bit. i know from previous experience that being someones emotional crutch isn't all it claims to be. and i want to be there but i can't ignore this mini freak out that is going on in my head becasue surly then i lose some of my identity and just become "M's girlfriend" ( as someone who i'd met once called me, i was not pleased.) i don't know. i don't want this to be a repeat of last time, different face same situation.

and i do love him, but i'm feeling al these emotions but i don't know what they are i just know i'm feeling something. something that is a scary thing, its frustrating becasue i can't put a name to it and then i act all illogical ( i know me gonig towards logical) and can't explain it.

.......

sigh.

oh well tea and talk will help i am sure and in the mean time i have to convince m i'm not running away.

i have the emotional age of a lego block.

update

2007-10-29T15:21:00.000Z

uni is ok, kinda calmed down as bit, so its all goin well, i love braille, it is so cool it may well be my new mini obsession. :)

life is ok went to a fun halloween party and was nominated as best dressed femalke which made me really happy, i went as an angel and m went as a devil. he had horns sticking out of his hat and was in a suit, i wore these gorgeous feather wings i borrowed and a quite low cut top and lots of shimmer. :D, but i knew only 5 peope there. m and his friends but then i got a little drunk so it was all good.

it is christmas time again and that means simon is back to work. simon is a manager where i work and we get on well cause he is lovely and we have a flirty relationship which is fun. you may remember i mentioned him last year but yeah thats just a nice thing thats happening at work, i have to put in foe over time now as otherwise i will be sitting on my thumbs earning no momey over xmas.

wanted to go see nightmare beofrte xmas but am bit annoyed as the last showing is at 4.45 and in wimbledon, which is a pig to get to quickly so annoyed about that but never mind.

i have a new double bed, which is lovely and big so am rolling around with m and on my own :).

possbily should post these things in separate blogs but thats long oh well.

just quickly

2007-10-15T15:49:00.001Z

uni is intensive and stressful and i need to work harder and do more work but yeah just qucikly

avenue Q wednesday 7th of nov, looking 4ward 2 that. and korn in january and erotica in nov (must book tickets)and driving lessons. and for all of this i have no money it is sad i keep shopping and splurging.

but yay went to amora! in london and resisted buying a leather rose but it was fun and quite intimate somewhere ( semiobviously) you should take your bf/gf. or just go for education. it is very educational. i quite liked the spanking manequin also the orgasm corridor. as there is a big video showing peoples cum faces. glad i'm not the only one who looks like a retard.
but the shop assistant in there was so lovely and VERY open and graphic and filthy mouthed and fantastic. so lesbien convosations ensued and which was better a fireman or a policeman and this girl was lovely and very entertaining and she's younger than me, which kinda freaked me out and she has very varied sex life much more than mine...

never mind so she is lovely and i love yo sushi ( see how i switched topic like that) and i bow dow n to the revolving plates and converor belt of tuna!!!!

i love tuna!!!! it is so gorgoeus and fantastic and sexy and mwah!

anyway i'm not a strange freak...ok yes i am but still.

Emma

2007-10-15T15:46:00.000Z

i miss her ALOT.

and i got all sad last night thinknig about her and a bit teary. maybe it wwas becasue it was very late or that i relised she'd only been gone a month but yeah it seems i can't see her now without gwetting sad. didn't expect to miss her so much so its all just a bit wierd and strange.

M keeps asking if i want to talk about it. i don't there's nothing to say. but yeah oh this is so silly i'm getting emotional thinknig about it.

and peeps went up a week or so ago and i couldn't becasue i'm working and it makes me sad.

first day

2007-10-01T20:37:00.000Z

i am feeling better. there is less flu and more running in Meadows

so yay the first day of my degree and i can smell the money i am paying for it. but i'm sure thats jsut me and that will fade in time. the first day was actually really fun ,cambers has had a makeover over summer and looks all new and plush which is nice. and having a little tour round the site we have much more stuff than i thought.
we have a forge!!!!!! how fucking cool is that i can work in metal if i want!!!
but i digress peeps seem nice, its all a little awkward and forced at the moment . ..its like people are being really nice in an overtly sarcastic way but they mean it and aren't being sarcastic. i think but this is only to some of the people not as the class as a general.

i am very much reading my Tudor books at the moment'the virgin's lover' by Philipa Gregory. which personally isn't my favourite of her books but is still very absorbing and at the moment we are going to war with France ands Scotland and its all very exciting and i dislike Robert Dudley. but then i think overall i have the moral upper hand.
well..
he's dead (he was in the reign of Elizabeth I and
he's a fictional character so HA!
but i should save my judgement for after the end of the book he may wildly redeem himself... yeah right.

pottery is coming along nicely, i have just finished a nice piece in the sahpe of jigsaw pieces that i quite like which i may use as coasters arround my room. and i got some otherthings back form pottery but the glazing didn't go so well. butthe shapewas still nice it was a pity.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

stuff all of it and how my life has been ofr the past..ooo month

2007-09-30T19:10:00.000Z

so whats going on in my life?

freshers week! woo so i thought, actually it turns out to be crap. there are over 20 sites in the university of the arts and they are spread out quite far. this means lots of effort and travelling for little rewards especially when you live outside London and turn up for a workshop which is
a: full ( only 15 people sorry)
or B: cancelled or moved til 4 hours time ( sorry but I'm cold PMTing and just don't want to spend 4 hours doing fuck all when i could be at home doing my project.)

so yeah bit pissed with that but the freshers fair was fun i got lots of free stuff like condoms and baked beans

talking about condom's i went to the GUM clinic yesterday, went with bf which was nice and supportive, and they didn't take a urine sample and to be honest i felt a bit cheated, cause its not a bucket of fun if you don't give a urine sample, but yeah it was all alright except the wait *they said it was quite time...they lied.

also i have been ill with flu. the nights are the worst, except for the days which suck quite allot as well, but yeah i was sent home form work, but mostly because i was having trouble standing.
still not feeling great having ear pain. also my mood is very much determined on how long ago i took drugs, i find myself in a almost schizophrenic state partly being fine then just doubling over or not having anyone touch me.
bf came round last night when i had house to myself and was v schizo with him just sometimes i was so out of it and i can't be very sociable when i'm ill and primarily have to re cooperate and look after me, so that could have gone allot better but bf is being very understanding, scarily so in fact i would have lost patience with me a long time ago.

also decided to have some proper conversations with him more and not just fall back on the sweet and cute thing, so i get lots of hugs ( cause i like hugs and all) but yeah he said to me last night, i forget how smart you are sometimes, which is nice but is also very not good so when i get better we are going to be back to full on nice and smart and sexy and SAM.

but in other news my summer art project that has to be in tomorrow, yeah....well after making it on thurs/fri 4 2 days it disintegrated... i was not a happy bunny plus i was feeling ill and wanted to fall asleep which didn't help but my ma kicked me up my ass and so went have made more hands and i feel alot more hopeful. slightly worried about my first day and whether i'm going to be well enough hope so as its kind of important

honey ( dog) loves me which is not exactly new but just brightens my day a bit, maybe since i'm not at uni yet i'm around more, but i've found her twice sitting in my room waiting for me ( which she never does cause there are nicer rooms in the house)

so yay

well done rach on ur job and good luck in oxford kirsten.

xxxx

I AM NOT A FUCKING IDIOT!

2007-09-02T18:46:00.000Z

to explain this, i work in retail.

i only work part time as funnily enough i have a life outside pandering to your every whim, i have to be nice to you because i am required to, i don't have problem with this, HOWEVER i expect you as a human being to be polite back, this does not mean shouting and swearing to me about something that is clearly not my fault ( yes because i personally made it so YOUR medicine wasn't in stock, in fact i have a personal vendetta against you and i lie awake at might plotting your demise...whats your name again?)

i also expect that when i give you a refund or exchange for something (i am doing you a FAVOUR) that you are again polite and don't act like i am some two bit idiot and act like i am scum!) because funnily enough i don't want to fight you , i have much more important things to do rather than stand here while you are aggressive and i am biting my tongue very forcefully.

and if i say, "I'm sorry i can't serve you medicines form behind the counter while the pharmacist is away, because technically we can't and it is breaking the law" ( THERE@S A BIG FUCKING SIGN IN FRONT OF YOU SAYING SO) then don't argue with me, I'm not going to feel any more amiable to you8 if your getting aggressive with me, and i don't care if your pharmacy doesn't do this, buy your fucking drugs from there then.

as someone said to my colleague when she wouldn't sell them hydro cortisone cream for their face, "well my doctor gives it to me and no offence like, but i think my doctor knows more than you , yours just a bloody sales assistant"

NB, DON'T FUCKING PATRONISE AND CONDESCEND THE PEOPLE WHO ARE DISPENSING THE DRUGS!!!

cause it won;t get you any favours .

and in fact I'm sure i know more about medicines than you, and i have a pharmacist who i consult who defiantly knows more than you and your 'doctor' isn't here now so don't you get aggressive with someone who has been polite to you and tried to help you.

i don't Care if your cat's just died, its rude and unjustified.

and just because i work in retail doesn't mean i have an IQ of a small glass of stagnant water. yes i have to serve you but i am actually a person with a life and you know what, I'm getting paid to stand here but i don't get paid enough to take your crap.

life lessons

2007-08-20T09:39:00.000Z

OK big surprise here... wait for it...

alcohol makes you stupid!!!!!

i know i am stating the obvious but when i went out on sat night to a fiends bday i had a few glasses of wine and i was talking to new people who i hadn't met before and i could have sworn i felt my IQ dropping, so god knows what they thought of me ( i don't really care as i probably won't ever see them again) but still

when i get drunk i get very tactile, so expect hugs when around me, i also get quite giggly and the aforementioned stupidity.

this is why i don't drink much....

mental dioherra

2007-08-20T09:23:00.000Z

because sometimes you just shouldn't talk.

so last night had nice snuggly night in with bf, and we're all relaxed and its getting quite late I've been at work all day, (which isn't me justifying myself ,ok well it is, but i want all things taken into consideration) and we're talking and he says a little comment that makes me think, nothing too important but it just gets to me, so my mind goes into hyper drive and inevitably bf asks what i'm thinking,

now as this is a new relationship i don't want to bottle things up, so i tell him whats on my mind, and then i start rambling so i am literally saying the first thing that comes into my head in a long line of crazy tohguhts, which if i were wide awake in the middle of the day not completly relaxed i wouldn't have said.

i made a huge rookie (which in all fairness i pretty much am) mistake instead of slowly exposing your other half to the craziness and not blurt it out in one long ramble, i went straight in there and turned into a complete neurotic mess. ...sigh.

so now instead of being, woot new girlfriend, who is nice and funny and smart and huggable, i fear i have now turned into a crazy ranting insecure and neurotic loon in his eyes, and i do care what he thinks and how he perceives me because he is my boyfriend so it matters,

now to be fair i'm probably really over reacting and bf said the next morning that he wasn't thinking about it so it didn't bother him.

but still i am far much saner this morning and i am just cursing myself, this blog being the big slap on the forehead "ah crap".

sometimes i just forget that it is a new relationship and that he is a person with different feelings than mine and that we haven't set out all those mental boundaries of what is 'too far', and i know that sounds really terrible, of course he's a real person and i see him as such and he is lovely blah blah blah

but sometimes i just can't help myself and the crazy comes pouring out, so i will be saner and next time he asks me what i'm thinking, i must learn to think before i say,.

and i now realise this blog makes very little sense i will try and go back and make it into whole sentences honest but it More of me venting than anything.

vampires

2007-08-10T11:43:00.000Z

metalsunflower has inspired me to continue her recent post about vampires, of course all vampire lore is different and we have nothing really concrete to base this all on blah blah blah but i wirte what i have gleamed form watching many a vampire film/tv/book/general

for general research watch buffy and angel lol
but also if you want to look at the historical side then you may wantto look at
countess bathory, she is known as the bloody countess known for her liking to kill young owman and bathe in her blood to keep her young.

an interesting article can be found here http://www.crimelibrary.com/serial_killers/predators/bathory/hobby_2.html

vampires have been romanticised alot throguh anne rice books and just in general and to that there is an appeal who really wants to know the true brutality of a predator who hunts you. for that you have werewolves :)

sometying most agree on is that they all heal very fast, exceptions come in when silver is involved
the Anita Blake books by laurelk hamilton are fantastic go read,

in the Anita Blake book all vampires can heal wounds as long as molten silver isn't poured in that stops it form healing

ways to kill vampires tend to be unanimous, get the head or severe the head from the spinal cord. how you do this is hobson's choice, in various lore the heart must be pierced with wood, hence a stake but a head can be decapitated any way i believe.

more later
anything you particulaly want to know let me know :)

xxxxxxxxxxx

just a quickie

2007-08-10T11:16:00.000Z

just a quick update on my life, its all pretty damn good,

i have lovely new boyfriend ( who doesn't bite my gums as much as he used to :), and i'm putting that down to over enthusiasm :))
so i'm all happy and smiley, and also quite sickening i realise for this i apologise, i won't stop but i do apologise.

i have been trying to do arty things with some success but i should be doing more possibly making moulds of my face we'll see but yes all is good and well, and just quickly thank you to kirsten and rach who are wonderful and amzing and each deserve huge glomps :)

possible next post tattoos? i think this sounds like a plan and a half :)

hope ur all good in the cyber world
xxxxx

because not all bite marks are nice bite marks

2007-07-27T14:13:00.000Z

phewwwwwwwwwwww what a day,
i had a very eventful day yesterday which left me quite surprised and a bit confuddled. firstly before we go on i don't think of myself as very attractive, i think i'm pretty but i am the girl who sat in the library during her breaks in high school, i am certainly not what you would call a 'popular' girl,i am not cool, i am a semi closet geek. most of my younger teenage years were full of social awkwardness. i haven't particulay grown out of this, i still find small talk tedious etc, however since i have been home and today i have met three different guys who have taken an interest in me( i am not including the builder who wolf whistled at me, but to be honest its been a while since that happened), this leaves me slightly rabbit in headlightsish, and happy but still slightly confused at the whole situation.
i'll start at the beginning

i went to see the anthony gormley exhibit at the hayward gallery.

GO SEE IT. IT IS FANTASTIC. SERIOUSLY HE IS AMAZING. blind light is such an experience go just for that thoguh his steel sculptures are amazing upstairs it will be the blind light exhibit which will draw you back.

but back to my point.

at the gallery my friend and i got talking to the gallery attendant, young, shorter than me but had very blue eyes.bit pretentious but he worked at an art gallery so what did i expect but he was quite nice had a bit of verbal dioherra which i don't know was natural or just that he was trying to impress us but anyway when we we wandering back to go into blind light a second time he asked me out.

in my experience i have found that within the first 5 minutes of meeting a potetial guy you know how 'far' he will get with you.

so i had considered what would say if he did ask me , hence when he did i said yes and wasn't rabbit in headlights, so we're gonig to meet for drinks on saturday which i think will be interesting but i was drawn towards him more when he used the word 'shinanigans' in a text.

but when i went out last night to the weekly bar which does rock night, i met my ex, which was ok in person, better than i'd hoped not as awkward as i'd thoguht. there was a big group of us mostly guys and so there was casual friendly flirting. one of my ex's friends was there and he seemed very interested but meh, ( hopefuuly this in't too confusing) that friend also brought another friend,M, who i ended up hitting it off with.

so M and i were talking and flirting with lots of casual touching or arms and backs etc. also being so loud in the bar we had to lean in very close to each oher. and he was nice, he made me laugh and we were having big 'philasophical converations with lots of arm waving, which as we know i am quite attracted to. anyone who can keep up with my exagerated hand gestures gets brownie points in my book.
then one thing led to another and we were kissing, somewhat more aggressively than i would have prefered, hence the bite marks on the inside of my mouuth and gums. but we were getting a bit carried away, just kissing but quite heavily. then my ex came over and told me to get a room and that i was a whore.... woot.

i then told him where to go, as i felt that it was none of his business, which it wasn't. M was quite understanding, and we were just leaning there to which he simply asked
" so do you do this sort of thing regularly?"
"no"
"do you go to random pubs and dragging guys into corner all the time?"
"no"
"then your not a whore then, are you?"

*or something very simular to that, memory evades his exact questioins*
i liked him alot better for that, i mean i liked him already but still.

so yeah i got his number, we agreed to tone it down. my ex texted me telling me i was a whore. i went back to my friends , and M is taking me to dinner on sunday.he's a bit of a smoothe talker and problably a player but we'll see i'll probalby be more careful when i see him again when less copious amount of alcohol are involved.

but i was actually quite upset. one of my new resolutions is not to be so judgemental of others, its so easy but alo i should know better, hence when i was called a whore i felt very angry.

there is such a double standard on guys and girls she's a whore he's a stud. it sucks. but i feel fine with myself. i don't regret what i have done, which in the grand scheme of things could have been alot huger, i mean i could have been sleeping with guys left right and centre! which i haven't. and i don't need anyone telling mewhat i can and can't do i am perfectly capapble of deciding for myself thank you very much. i haven't had a one night stand or anything as dramatic as that, and i feel infuriated that i should be judged becasue for the first time i've gone out, being releativly recently single, had a good time and then been vindicated for it.

yes i wouldn't have been happy if i'd seen my ex all over someone else but the bar is a big place he didn't have to be near me, i resent the implication that i am a huge whore, just for being young and wanting to have a good time.
grrrrrrrrrrrr

****************
and this is all from a girl who can tell you what happens in 'blake 7' and all the names of the characters in star trek next gen and voyager.

yes quite strange,

ok this was a very long post and very personal, and probably made little sense but i hope it was semi interesting.
to all those who know me i am happy to hear your views. i respect honesty as you well know but then i expect nothing less from my friends :)

next a nice post on girl law i think.

life is so much more complex when sex is involved. isn't that the truth.

USA USA

2007-07-11T00:20:00.000Z

chant it now with me peeps because we are feeling PATriotic.

well as much as i can be as i'm a brit mwahahahaha but thats another story, i'm rambling in circls its the heat. ok ...breathe

i'm in vancouver island at the mo in canda and its all good very hot we've been drving alot but also shopping and i have bought cd's and i mean lots of CHEAP cd's mwahahahah, its all very nice and warm but i've been in the car alot so i haven't been exactly tanning. but never mind but i did se something i thought rachel would apreciate.
in ....think brain think... seattle we were driving throguh the city, otherwise i would have taken a pic, was a billboard for abbacrombie and fitch. on this billboard we two gloriously muscular and topless men. ..... yum.
but the pint of this is that in a discusion that you never saw men using their bodies to aderytise anything ( i'm paraphrasing i know)as woman in society are persived as sexy. when there are many woman out there who ewould also like to see naked men. (again paraphrasing)

aslo the seattle art museum is called SAM whic i thought was çool.
btw rach i also got the next few in the 'bitten series 'by keeley armstrong. and lots of new book s for u and kirsten to read.

see u all soon thinking of u xxxxxxx

lalalalala happy posts

2007-06-27T09:33:00.000Z

becasue i am going to america baby! woo woo, and my past two posts have been depressing but i'm not depressed hence, lalalalalalalalalala

i like stuff and house and south park and more stuff and the shield which i want season three of and fantastic books,
btw kirsten, the book u lent me is strange and ranty and not in a good way, its interesting don't get me wrong but i dislike being lectured on my method of contraception but i'm only half way throguh but tis interesting thanx *glomp*

xxxx

a loss of identity.

2007-06-21T13:57:00.000Z

since the break up last week. i have been in a wierd limbo, some days are better than others. some days i don't think about him at all. others, well they aren't so easy.

point is i miss him, and tough it was all for the best and all the rest of it i do. but i'm now not sure if i miss him or the idea of him, whether i just want the contact and the comfort and the security or him. i think it is alot of both.

we had a falling out on sunday, so i haven't spoken to him but as always there is a fun twist where as he owes me ( or rather my dad) money and i want it as my pa has been asking. so i figure i'm going to wait itll next week for things to quite down and meet up with him then, ( also i'm busy til next week , convinient)

but also recently i have found myself alot more un sure of myself and i don't feel like i have an identity or that a large part of me is missing so i have to fill that whole again. now this all sounds incredible dependant on someone, which quite frankly it was. ant made me feel safe.

if we were meeting new people i knew i could sit back while he went and was random and then i could come over later and chat and talk etc already having built a good groundway as ants girlfriend. well not any more obviously but i digress thats only a small matter.

but what i'm tryingto say if that i can see how someone could go 'off the rails' and do all kinds of crazy things (spontaneous tattoos, etc) but its just tryingto createthat balence of being just yourself again, and now that you don't have to make so many compromises and work together with soemone else it can be strange to adjust.

a metaphor that came to mind is the yin yang sin, be always see then together but once they split yang has got to become a whole circle again and re create parts of herself, we find it hard to imagine yang on its own( go on try)

ok i'm rambling alot i'll go now on a bright side its not all doom and gloom my frineds rae being lovely especially emma. but i'm dealing as you do and some day i won't be just dealing i'll be ok but thats probably not for a while. and i'm gonig on holiday soon so i'll be busy being in another country and not thinking about him. etc

xxxxxxxx

single, woo woo woo thats how i want to be?!?

2007-06-15T16:30:00.000Z

damn natasha beddingfield i can't stop thinking of that song, it doesn't actually apply at all ( i don't particuarly like being single) but still i can't stop thinking avout it.

it is very strangeto be newly single after almost 2 years and i was only a young thing before so i can't exactly say well i've done it beofre, because i was damn miserable when i was, but thats merely a sideline.

but yes it is very strange and weird and i now feel as thoguh i should go and find someone else immediatly! now! now! all good men will disappear at the count of five! i know this is silly and therfore am not going to 'hump' the first thing i see common sense prevails again. however one thing i did find was i was on the bus and i had one of these moments, i heard the dolcit tones of some heavy metal band being played on a mobile so i looked up and there were three young men, my interest peaked and then plummeted as i saw two of them had mullets..... how about no. oh well i guess it was going to happen the first men i look at through newly single eyes have to be hideous.

sigh, i may add that to my list of 'dealbreakers' so far i have'smoking' and 'short' oh well never mind

i'm surviving.

xxxx

kerrang? we need to have a word!

2007-06-15T16:26:00.000Z

a word? ....now come closer...yes thats it...LINKIN PARK ONLY 3 K'S! ARE YOU MAD? AND MCR 4K'S? THEY FINISHED EARLY!!! ok.... breathe...breathe...

IMHO linkin park gig was the best i have ever been 2 and i've been to quite few. iron maiden have the best visual show but linkin park are amazing.

i think i have to go and calm down, get my blood pressure to a reasonable rate...

oh poo, i forgot about the zombie day,

2007-06-14T09:41:00.000Z

damn.

however i have a good reason honest.... bad personal life etc. and.....watching much to much house :) lol oh dear.

my gripes with the world today

2007-05-27T18:54:00.000Z

i'm on a diet. it is offical. i am the heaviest i have ever been, whether that is because i have the implant i don't know but i am on a diet and so far its going ok... but better than my other attempts. but what really annoys me is that when i wen t into sainsbury's for a 'healthy' lunch during my lunch break, i ended up choosing a muller light yoghurt, ( i have started calory counting which is silly but nessesary at the mo till i can get round to doing excersise) the pot said 53 cals to which i thouhht fantasic. but on closer inspecetion it was 53 calories per 100g, in a 200g pot.

now if you have been able to read this even though i have used little punctuation bravo. but it just annoyed me, to be fair i had only glanced quickly at the packet but i was on my lunch break of 30 mins so you can forgive me. but i had another simular experience a while ago, sainsbury's do these sherbet pips ( tom thumb drops to those of an old school exsistence)and they were some small amount of calories ( like i said this was a while ago), but i then read again to see that 1/3 of the pack contained said small amount, which is silly as i'm going to eat the whole pack thats why i bought it! urgh.... i would much rather they called a plum a plum and a extra sugary piece of heart attack what it was and let the people eating it know exactly what they were getting, but gee where would the fun in that be?

also people who play music on their phones on the bus/train/underground. in my experience not once have they had any good taste in music and mostly seem to be young trendy chavs. in an area where people sit in comfortable silenc, i do not want to hear your tinny intruding rubbish. i do not want this music forced apon me as i have when i go to shops and bars etc ( thoguh that is different as music is not as intrusive and is more fitting withbthe enviroment). but what is even worse is when the perputrator starts singing along to said music. YOU ARE OUT OF TUNE. YOU SOUND TERRIBLE. i can alomost garentee that nobody on the bus is contratulating you for your fantastic vocal proess or choice of cong. this is why we have headphones. simulary i would not play my favourit music at loud volumes whiole sitting in a quiet confined space. ( whats that? you don't like slipknot? well gosh thats tough shit isn't it)

* mutter mutter young kids of today mutter mutter*

urgh i feel old.

ok other sensible stuff

2007-05-17T19:52:00.000Z

its the last week of my project and i am getting stressed!! argh but it 'll be all worth it in the end ... hopefully. but after that i'm free. it kinda sucks for the past few weeks ant and i haven't seen each other that much we've just both been really busy but after my project finishes i'm hoping to make alot more time for us.

also i have been really organised recently so all my paper work is up to date woot! but i've been doing so much paper cutting i have an injury! because i've been pressing so much on my index finger the skin has all come off ! nice! .... hmmm in other news...
happy birthday kirsten!
and happy birthday lee! ( who won't read this but thats not the point!

also ant has been lovely to me and bought me the new lp album and he also boguht me the first 2 copies of the buffy season 8 comic...ooooo! tis good. now i just have to findtime to red it lol

but also carrying a large A1 card on the train is not easy! at all!

hmmmmm stuff and stuff. i nearly lost my purse not fun but sorm1 had given it into the pink desk in camberwell, seriously its bright pink!!

xxx

linkin park!!!!!!

2007-05-17T19:50:00.000Z

LINKIN PARK LINKIN PARK LINKIN PARK!!!!!
I LOVE THEM!!! i haven't listend to the new album yet but do have it in my hot sweaty little hands!!
now i remember why i have 4 tshirts of the band!!!

hee hee i'd forgotten how much i love them i just find that i get an incredible connection with their music!

they deserve a post of their own

DARE, pots and fun!

2007-05-11T10:28:00.000Z

i haven't blogges for a while but i have been busy with imprtant things like UCAS (grrrrrrr)

its all good i just finished reading a book called the hollow >chocolate bunnies of the apocalypse! such a cool title.
work is ok, we have to sell the superdrug mag DARE ( we have a quota urgh) >and guess how many i sold on saturday......42! in 5 hours that my dear is hard selling!!! and my big reward... ( and i was promised a big reward... an extra hours pay! but i shouldn't grouse as its something for nothing which is always good. but still... i wanted a pony! lol

urgh having to sort out student loan, not fun! why is it all so complex! >gotta try and sort out bank accounts as well, *bigger sigh* lol

my summer starts at the end of may just before download lol so i'm having a bit of a hectic time at the mo with my final major project,

i've doing an evening class doing pottery and i got to go on the wheel last night!! it was sooo fun!! it was also exceedingly phallic hee hee i didn't make anything because it was harder than it looked and i got a bit stressed with it buti can't wait to go on it again, but the clay goes every where.

my bank holiday i had off work for once but the weather sucked, i met ant in croydon cause i hadn't seen him for a while and we were going to see spidermean three but it was sold out so we went round croydon and he bought me lunch :) bad thing was because i thought we were just going to the cinema i wore my boots, which make my legs really long and give me a sexy wiggle but hurt like hell so in the end i just took them off but it was all good, but it feels wierd being back at college becausee i keep thinking that it is monday lol.

xxxxxx

bad bad girl

2007-04-21T09:37:00.000Z

this has to stop but i can't help myself,
now easter has finshed all the easter eggs are so cheap and its all good choclate, so i've started buying them and hording them and i really really shouldn't as it isn't good for you but its the bargain part of me that just won't be refused
sainsbury's white choclate egg with lemon and grapefuit is strangly compelling, so much that i bought 2....

i wore my corset the other day ( the good one) to the black sheep as ant hadn't seen it yet so i wore it especailly for him, my firneds tried to lace it up for me, but they cannot lace up corset right, while i had a good evening it didn't sit right, till they decided to pull it tighter ( on the dance floor) and i think thats when it broke.

i was quite drunk so the screaming and hysterics were reduced to me pouting alot. ok so the boning only poped out of the front panel at the front so it didn't snap but still i was pissed. ( angry not just drunk :P) however i am not in tears now as i managed to sew it back together again so all is not lost i just hope my deamstress skills will cut it ( no pun intended). oh and the boning is indeed steel woot.

but i had very strange dreasm about my broken corset, i dreamt the while of the bonig came out of the corset and flew around the dancefloor like a boomarang....

hmmm in other news i tohguht i was getting hayfever for the very first time...it turned out to be a bloody cold grrrrr, i'm back at college now with only 5 weekd til the big eep!
tried to open a student bakc account with natwest the woman i dealt with was a nidiot and se out to trip me up on the stuff i needed, silly woman so i wasn't in the best of moods

been to a load of galleies, went to the v&a and went to the kylie exhibition ( free mwahahahahahah) which was actually very intersting with all her pretty costumes ( there may have been some corsets there as well lol) and then i went to the surreal life exhibition as i love surreal work, spent most of thathappy, took some good photos before i found out you couldn't take phtotos oops but oh well >:)

so all fun and games and throw in a few friends crisises ( mine and ants, ants much more serious hence why i'm not seeing him this weekend and mine rhian ( re simon) but its all part of what we have to do

hope ur all good. rach, kirsten we should meet up soon let me know when you are free.
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within temptation and corsets...and latex...

2007-04-15T18:58:00.000Z

:D :D

fantastic! mwahahaha excellent night, fantastic company.

now, was her corset custom made do you think? ( my astounding english there lol) i think it must have been you could do a contract so that you cupplied her with all her corsets on her tour.

that is one of my dreams to open my own corset shop. and stock all the big names and be able to fitand be around corsets all day long
but.. and there is always a but it is a cottage market and i probably wouldn't be a ble to survive on it and you go under.....

i've relised now my easter hols are over there is so much i wanted to do and didn't ( damn work but on a sidenote i've sortedout all my underpayment so next week i should be getting a nice little bundle... which will go straight to my holiday fund which is embarassingly small, but i did buy the most gorgeous corset in the world. with the money, hand cusotm made and steel boned *drool* but i digress) so i have decided when i finish my course over the summer i want to make a load morre latex clothing, i'm thinking a skirt and then a fishtail skirt and maybe another corset. i have a ll the materias and glue but its just getting myself motivated

fariy goth mother has some gorgous latex dresses, i drooled as well as the corsets of course. i think the shop assistant thought i was a lesbien but that maybe because rachel told him one of the reasons i watched buffy was becasue i fancied her . which is untrue there were ALOT more reasons for watching buffy goddamnit!

but yeah i'm back at college tomorrow so i'm now rushing around going eep about how much work i haven't done.

fun fun fun
thank you for you comments on my other post, i think its better now but we'll see but they were much appreciated as always

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why?

2007-04-10T08:49:00.000Z

thought of the day: why is it called confectionary?

depression?

2007-04-02T19:05:00.000Z

alots been going on

i have a problem, i'm worried one of my friends is suffering form depression, they aren't sleeping, are really de motivated, they aren't eating properly, they find even small tasks pointless. all these point towards depression, i'm mentioned this to them but i have yet to get a response,

i found a quiz on the interent about whther you suffer form depression, i hope this will help them see that there is something medically wrong with them. i'm really worried about them.

i don't know what to say to make it better.

and one by one their drivnig their friends away and i can see this but i don't want to get into another confrontation with them, i've been speaking with them on the phone alot and i don't want to talk that way about important stuff as its so impersonal. this is why i hate having arguements with ant on the phone, ( sorry debates).

also itsd bringnig me down, i know it shouldn't but i really care for them and when they are hurting i hurt.

i'm seeing them soon so maybe things will get better if i can talk to them about it, and get them to get help... maybe..

the dark side of books

2007-03-28T08:53:00.000Z

there are two things that i really dispise. with a passion when it comes to books. firstly
1) when you find a new series of books and then u take it from the library, get it home and realise that it is actually the second in the series and becasue of this you have missed out a huge whole section which means you can't really finsh this book you have a you don't really know whats going on.
there are some exceptions to this for example philip pullmans the subtle knife. i believe this to be a superior book than northern lights. i did read the subtle knife first abd don't feel ireally missed out.
also a book i have just finished reading, a series about vampires by whitley strieber. his seond book the last vampire is in my opinion superior to his first novel and again i read the second one first.

another thing annoying with this is when there is no list of the series at the front or back of the book. this means you cannot find out what the first title of the series is called, what the next one is and where the book you have just picked up is in thew cronology of the series!!!!!!!!

2) then there is no continuity. as i mentioned in the vampire books i have just finished reading. (and this infuriates me). the author is changing what happened. there are three books in the series and one book will say that the mother died in childbirth and then the next book claims that she was burnt at the stake! also what really annoys me is that when caracters are recalling things that happend in a past book they remember it wrong and completly twist what happen out of context so that the hero is turnedto evil villan and visa versa.

if the author wanted these books to be viewed as stand alone book then he shuoldn't have used the same characters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*deep brathe*

as a result i cnnot read the last book of the vampire series as this will get on my nerves.

download website down?

2007-03-19T19:25:00.000Z

i'm trying to get onto the download festival website to buy tickets but it won't let me onto the site
is anyone else having this problem
let me know asap
thanx

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interviewy fun!

2007-03-01T12:05:00.000Z

MUSHROOMS ARE GOD!

woot i love mushrooms. my date with ant was fantastic and dreamy and wonderful we went to bella italia in croydon and the food was AMAZING! i had a glass of wine at the start of my meal and (my excuse) bwas lack of food beofre hand meant i was feeling slightly lightheaded in a good way. i slept well that night.. my interview 4 mcp went terrible! they threw in random questions like what irritates you? and what make u exstatic? now with preparation u can answer these but i didn't have prep so i just went "......smokers....sorry did u want something to do with art?" then i made up some bollox about little things making me happy and i was happy as long as other people were happy. (wtf remember this is in an art interview so complete irrelevant) and i don't think my protfolio was good enough either. so i went home and moped a bit and my parents were very kind of "oh dear" etc

BUT!!

iu came into college this morning and my tutor took me aside and said..."lets talk in my office" (insert feeling of subdued despair) (i had had a day to kind of numb myself) and she asked how i thought it went, to which i thought i'd head her off at the post so she didn't have to 'break' it to me. so i said "i didn't get in, at least i don't think i did", to which she said no you did get in......WHAT!!!!"!!"!!!!! holy mofo! so i kinda squealed a bit it was all very strange but apparently everyone thought their interview went terrible so woot!

but now ants going to say i told u so as he thought i was over reacting and i had really got in.

i haven't found out about ceramics yet but will this afternoon.

still when i thought i wasn't going to go camberwell i started looknig at other options and so i have to really think if i want to go there i think i do but i'll have a big think.

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woot go me

2007-02-22T12:44:00.001Z

its 'cause i wear a push up bra isn't it?

:D

Your results:
You are Wonder Woman

Wonder Woman		92%
Supergirl		87%
Catwoman		85%
Superman		75%
Spider-Man		65%
Robin		65%
Green Lantern		65%
Iron Man		65%
Hulk		55%
Batman		50%
The Flash		45%

You are a beautiful princess
with great strength of character.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

an eventful weekend

2007-02-18T17:22:00.000Z

ok the makeover. my weekend has been quite eventful in good and bad ways on sat nite i saw ant and both of us were 'off' he has stresses going on as do i and then his neighbours decided to have a party ( which they did invite us too) but it went on till 2 am and we need 2 sleep. not good very grizzly. also ant was getting all stressy and going on about this makeover and if the people were going to get really arsy and make us buy phots etc. ( which i knew as that's how they make their money) but ant was really stressing aboutt his and it kinda sucked all the fun out of it for me cause before i was all like woot makeover!! but after i was all worrying about the end with all the money etc. so we got up there ( big underground delays ) and we'd had no food and were tired.

but we had a really nice day. ( apart from the constant sinking feeling in my stomach that this was too good 2 be true and they were going to take lots of money out of us) but we had hair and makeup and a hand massage. they a photo shoot some pics of us 2gether but then we split up and did solo ones, which was nice as we then had stuff 2 look forward to at the showing. so yeah (i took three corsets :D) i had 4 costume changes i wore that black dress the one i wore 2 emma's 18th the one with very visual side boob.

after we wrote a load of peeps names down to recommend it too. then we had the showing and champagne cocktails. the slideshow was set up and we were left alone to see it which was really good as we could take the piss as much as we liked. i now know 3 things.

1. my boobs are HUGE!! the cleavage i had on soem of the pics bloody hell. but this wa one of h corsets and it was quite tight.

2. ant looked like a mens magazine model. hee hee

3. i looked very shiny.

but yeah then we were looking at the prices and if we were donig this proffessionally then maybe it would've been a good investment but jsut for us it really wasn't worth it .and we said this to the guy and he was just like 'fine' and ' why are you aplogising no worries' whi h was really much better than we were expecting. so yeah we got a goodie bag as well. well goodie bag is a loos term we got a mug and a penicl anfd a cjhoclate bar. but meh!.

so it turned out all good in the end. so saturday was a bit of a crap night but sunday was a good day. except the way home the northern line was partley closec and then on the underground ride back soemone threw themselves in front of the tube so the station was evacuated and we were left in vauxhall thinknig how the f**k are we getting home. but we did in the end.

all fun and games
am doing portfolio as well atm so got stresses qwith that over a week till my interview F*** F*** F*** poo!.

so yeah buit other wise it is all gtood i think things i hope are now better eith ant and i we went throguh a rough patch we both have stresses and stuff. download is one of thise but we'll see.

rocky and bumpy

2007-02-08T13:17:00.000Z

the past week or so have been a bit of a rocky patch for me & my bf, long story short he has alot of stress ( mostly to do iwth money , or lack of it) and pressure on him so he wanted change and said we needed to talk, he had cancelled no me that eve to sort this stuff out

now i don't know what was going on my hormones went doolally! i kinda over reacyted and i reallythoguht he was goingto break up with me
Q me crying to all who would listen, saying " he can't break up with me i won't let him"

then on monday he got ill, poor dear and by now we were talkiing a bit more and he was less distant ( yay) so i had hope
and i saw him last night and he confirmed he wasn't breaking up with me and we had a nice ( but short) night so now i am all happy again.

also i have decided i dislike valentines day. it makes single people feel like s**t and is ful of the cheesiest, most stomach churning crap ( cardfs especailly) i mean who really wants a crap teddy bear fro mthe petrol station?

garrr aggrr

ok mini rant over

are u really crazy if you laugh maincally in your head?

& omg if u didn't see top gear ( ants effect on me) last night then u missed the funniest thing i have heard for a long time

they were talking about road rage, and how you should follow through with the rage not bash a car and then gushingly apologise for it. which led onto the conversation of sayingthings in the heat of the moment without thinknig about what you are going to say....

jeremy clarkson was stayinmg in a hotel and the neighbours dog was arking really loudly so clarkson went next door and had not thoguht at all what he was gouingto say so ended up shouting

" I'VE KILLED BEFORE!!!"

fantastic, i was in stiches for a good 45 minutes hee hee hee hee

i've also decidedthat i am gonigto collect flavoured beer bottles i have a whole 3. now, cannais beer, banana beer (thanks jon), and strawberry beer, next i think i shall find rasberyy berr mwahahahahahahahahahaha

soz 4 long blog

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weeping fig

2007-01-27T14:38:00.000Z

i have been asked to be the newest member of weeping fig as their screamer/shrieker/growler. i am exstatic about this project and want to put my all behind it. just one tiny problem...i have a sore throat.

ah.

:D

in other news i got some news from emma she seems to be likingthe old US of A, i didn't get a bollocking at work for making a mistake, which was nice.

saw rach at work, got lost in harrods ALOT!!! thatt place is HUGE! and confusing so i'm going to leave a little trail of breadcrumbs next time. there were proetesters outside harrds protestin about fur, etc which they should.

saw bandwagon and a man with a movie camera @ the cinema. the first was good the second not so much.

ummmmm worked! hopefully getting paid a shitload of money for it... ok maybe just a shit amount of money then..

stressing out about ucas and uni and portfolios etc. & the evil that is personal statements!

hope ur all happy etc.

have a cookie!

scary winds

2007-01-18T12:39:00.000Z

wind is scary, i'm inside and i'm scared......

don't like it.

cinema season and free stuff

2007-01-10T14:54:00.000Z

so i'm back at college, and i had to give away my baby!

ok firstly before you all rush off and scream and shout etc this is not a real human being, it is in fact the joy of my life ( except ant, my friends, my family BUT right after all them this comes in real close)

for my christmas project i had to make a christmas present for a girl in my class, i decided to make her a mosaic bo, we were meant to soend 5 1/2 hours on this max.... yeah i did more.

this box i made from scratch, with the help of my parents ( do u really trust me alone with a hack saw?) and it took me AGES. because of this i became very attached to it, i had made it and watched it grow. i am very proud if this box. now after blood ( literally), sweat( kinda) and tears ( i was very close) i finished this box the night before i had to give it in.

so present giving day came round and my box was by far the best gift there some people hadn't even bovered. i was a proud mother. then i had to give my box away..... ididn't like that part.

so now i am alone (boxless) except for the millions of pictures i took of it of course.

god i miss it.

on other news i love college! yay we have a cinema season! every friday we all go to a cinema in lecster square and we watch films for FREE! mwahahahaha yay i love cinemas!

also i got a strange call from a woman telling e i had won a makeover! very random, after checking out it was legit, i gave a fully refundable deposit and on the 18th of feb ant and i are goingto be made pretty! woo. will tell more when i find it out...

i think i need to loose some weight i'm feeling quite round at the moment! ... well we'll see i don't think i have the will power but i'll give it a go...sigh why does all the bad stuff taste so good.

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sum up my life in a singl piece of property.

2007-01-02T11:28:00.000Z

the most important thing in my handbag is without a doubt, my purse! not my mp3 creative which i love like a child or my phone, which if we are honest is tad on the old and decrepid side. but my purse holds everything i need to live ( almost)

so imagine my distress when i found my purse NOT in my handbag!!! let me set the scen i was in croydon with ma and bub ( brother) when i come to get out my (numerous yay to student life) discount cards. no purse, nothing and my purse is not small. so after going through my head 1003 times about if i could have left it there or if that shady man looking at the face creams has stolen it without my knowing, i start top panic a teeny bit.

coincidencly the shopping trip was absolutly stupid any way as neither my mother or mysel;f bought anything it was only 4 bub or my dad who wasn't actually there.

but back to my main story.....
so i spent the rest of the drive home ( funily enough i didn't feel like shopping!) mourning my purse thinknig of all the levely things i kept in it! ( a variety of photos, important recits ( this i'm sure is not a hard word to spell but to my shame i could not) and of course my library card.

what kind of monster would do such a thing? i am only poor the only money in there wasn't even mine and what are they goingto do except ( please for all that if pretty) use my discount cards! or go crazy on my library card!

monsters.

so anyways (rounding this V long story up) i got home and started ransacking my room at that point i found.. oh yes u've guessed it my purse! in all its glory! bastard! i worried about it and mourned it and everything but did it care i think not!!!

i am now not talking to my purse! but i have attached a chain to it so it can't walk off.

so that was my morning how was yours!

btw am still waiting for the wrath of angry punctuation poeple.... about how badly this is written.... but it has not come....

becasue 1)noone cares ( quite likely)
2) they got so annoyed at trying to read this that they gave up and haven't read this far ( kudos to those that did then hardcore!!)
3) the pigeons have suddenly siezed their chance and have now uprisen to take their place as natural leader of the words ( in that case cooo cooo cooooo ccooo) this is a tad unlikely but it could happen.

anyway to prove i'm not cray i will finish this blog in a sane fashionpenguin.

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wooo go the xmas spirit

2006-12-26T11:53:00.000Z

i've finally got onto my blog again! i started off by not knowing what my username was and then spending 20 mins (ish) figuring out how the hell i was to get back onto my blog. BUT here i am all festive and such.

twas my birthday yesterday, which was nice but it was really quite a dull xmas except for all the presents and food, am i really shallow to say that ? but basically it was my (lovely) family and i sitting around waiting for the next 'thing' to begin i.e dinner or presents etc. one great thing was that though i am all big now (19) i still get stocking pressents which is cool so got some lovely things there... most of them i am wearing now. also i have found that now i am afore mentioned 19 i no longer get lots and lots of presetns. who came up with the idea that you outgrow presents?????????

it can NEVER happen! *sigh* o well but i have all my lovely friedns over tomorrow for some drunken fun in the evening which i am looking forward too. i am slightly worried that because i am just doing things on the fly, that everyone is going to have a miserable time and sit there silently looking at each other....oh god....

but hopefully that won't happen i really need to think up some interesting 'communal activities' such as who can unhook someones bra the quickest. unfortunatly i fear that my darling emma will win that as she can unhook a bra one handed in 7 seconds, she has been even giving people i.e my boyfriend lessons. *sigh* i have become quite good at this so i may have a chance of winning.

another thing i love about xmas is the amount of 'nice' food , alkso becasue it is my birthday there is birthday cake ( lemon drizzle cake home made) and i get to eat that for breakfast! xmas is surely a wonderful time of year.

now if only i could get my nan to stop making fat comments!

anyways hope you can make sense of the gabble here i am off to friend hunt!

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the end is nigh!... hang on no it isn't!

2006-12-20T19:15:00.000Z

ok so i'm a bit scared and frightened at the moment feeling a bit vunerabl i guess. just little old me in this big world and not even a cup of tea to hand!

YES!!! i have finally joined the world of blogging, here you all get to hear my rambl;ing about me and the people around me and random crap that pops into my little mind! but do not be afrasi i have built in a panic button just for you incase everything gets too scary! i know kind generous person that i ham1

ok so this panic button depending on whether you have a mac or windows is at the top right hand corner of the screen. it has an X on it like in the pirate movies!

lol

at this point i must aplogise i have the worst typing in time and i will make some mistakes, but i like to make this into a game i call it guess the word!!! Whenever i make a mistake u just guess the word and u get a treat! .... dunno what yet but it's "in the mail!" ooooooooo i know a virtual cookie, or if you don't like cookies and baked good will be offered as an alturnative!

i can see now u care gettingthe rhythum of my blog.... there isn't any i'm really sorry if this annoys anyone i will try and go back over and add spaces and punctusation but if i don't sorry.

and for anyones who's interested this is my alturnative to myspace!

i'm sure i'll think of something else to say

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